A BumpIt for your Bottom

So there I am at Walgreens, getting photos developed (pictures of me and J$ to give to my Gramma for her birthday, natch) and I look up to be assaulted with this:

Goodness gracious As Seen on TV, really? REALLY?  “The Panties that make your booty POP!”?  There is so much wrong with this. Let’s begin a list:

  1. The use of the word “panties” in the brand messaging. I have always had a severe reaction to the word, it makes me think of Hannibal Lector and Molly Ringwald and my first gynecological exam. If a woman is old enough to be purchasing an ass enhancer at Walgreens, I certainly hope she isn’t still referring to her undergarments as panties.  However:
  2. The packaging. No doubt the marketers were appealing to the sensibilities of 13 year old girls, with the design being so similar to that of every sugary snack one would normally find in the impulse buy section of the store. Is the intention for the young, impressionable child to reach for one? Ask her guardian to purchase one for her so her booty can “pop” while she’s writing notes to her other middle school friends?
  3. Most importantly: This is an ass enhancer! An ASS ENHANCER! A pair of underwear meant to make one’s booty “pop”. You can’t check Perez or watch Project Runway or get a slurpee without hearing about the economy being in the crapper and people losing their jobs and women are supposed to spend $19.99 so they can sit uncomfortably and, once your enhancement is spotted, be the butt (pun intended) of ridicule and torment? (Ok, maybe not everyone is as critical as I but still, people will notice and make fun, not unlike the giggles I release when I spot someone wearing a BumpIt.)

There is no shame in wanting your ass to look good. Might I suggest putting down the Snickers, and lunging your way a gym?

SMASH

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One Response to A BumpIt for your Bottom

  1. Wifebot says:

    God, you’re such a Bumpit hater…even though you BORROWED MINE!

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